monster is a relative term.

Emptiness is temporary.

When I have thought about the most disturbing thing in my life, I realized that everyday while I was using was more terror. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I realized that I was empty, and all I saw were tombstones in my eyes. Everyday I asked God to kill me; this was no way to live. But everyday I woke up breathing, everyday I felt the pain that overflowed despite my attempt to bury it beneath a veil of intoxication. It wasn't the days of asking God to kill me that made me accept that I needed change; it was the day that I wished I was alive.

I was the one that felt nothing. I think I possessed the traits of a human with flesh, a beating heart, and cage of bones beneath it all, but there was nothing humane about me. I was cold and cruel, I lacked the one quality that sets decent human beings apart from mass murderers and that's remorse. I was a liar, a thief, a character assassin, but most of all I was my own monster. A monster I created and my addiction perpetuated.

I never want to be like that again. I have no other choice but sobriety.